1
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:06,172
I'm telling you, Mom. We heard it.
2
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:09,134
Yeah. It was like... Hee, hee, hee! Thunk!
3
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,844
Hee, hee, hee! Thunk!
4
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:15,223
Oh my gosh! There's a monkey
with a peg leg in the kitchen.
5
00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:22,063
But if it's a burglar, I have this.
6
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:25,734
Good. I'll run up and get my pom-pom,
and we'll cheer him to death.
7
00:00:27,777 --> 00:00:30,780
Hit him, Van, but do not break my baton.
I'm not kidding.
8
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:32,657
Okay, I'll handle this.
9
00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:36,119
[shouting] There's no money in the house.
The old lady's divorced. We got jack.
10
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,498
[loud bang]
11
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,752
Oh, for cryin' out loud! Give me that.
12
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,295
No, no, no, no!
13
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:46,463
[Cheyenne] Don't--
14
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:48,214
It's nothing.
15
00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:51,384
It's just that stupid tree branch
banging on the side of the window.
16
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:54,929
- [relieved sighs]
- I thought I told you to trim those.
17
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:58,391
Yeah, about that. [chuckles]
18
00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,893
I didn't do it.
19
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:06,941
If you ever wake me up
in the middle of the night again,
20
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:08,777
you better pray that there's someone
21
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,529
- armed and dangerous in our kitchen.
- [choking] Okay.
22
00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:17,243
[laughing] Man.
23
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,454
You were really scared, weren't you?
24
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:23,458
Yeah. Scared I might kill somebody.
25
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:28,421
It's okay, honey. It's only natural.
We were all scared.
26
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:30,632
Yeah, for you, 'cause you're a girl.
27
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:33,218
But what if a guy like me grabbed you?
What would you--
28
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,552
- [groaning]
- [karate yells]
29
00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:43,978
Let that be a lesson to you. That's what
you get for not doing your chores.
30
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:48,191
[theme song playing]
31
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,609
[Reba] Ha, hey!
32
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:52,320
{\an8}♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪
33
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,739
{\an8}♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪
34
00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:58,827
♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪
35
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,205
{\an8}♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪
36
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:04,624
♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪
37
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:09,295
{\an8}♪ With gentle hands
And the heart of a fighter ♪
38
00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:14,634
{\an8}♪ I'm a survivor ♪
39
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:25,478
So Van was gonna scare off a burglar
with Cheyenne's baton?
40
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,355
Do you know how dangerous that is?
41
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:31,526
{\an8}Yeah. You're right, Brock. What if
the burglar had a slide trombone?
42
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,488
{\an8}It could've been a very violent parade.
43
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,491
{\an8}Dad, it's really great
that you're concerned,
44
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,451
{\an8}but the noise in the kitchen was nothing.
45
00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:41,703
{\an8}Yeah, sure, this time.
46
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,164
{\an8}But what if next time
it's not a tree branch?
47
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,541
What if next time, it's a big, huge
48
00:02:48,167 --> 00:02:49,836
pile of candy?
49
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,256
Or an ax murderer.
50
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,592
[mouthing words]
51
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,386
I meant, a dolphin.
52
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,141
- Good mornin'.
- Mornin', Van.
53
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:05,226
Hey, Van, listen, the judge called.
54
00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:08,855
{\an8}The tree is guilty,
and they're givin' it the wood chipper.
55
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,945
{\an8}Leave him alone.
He had every right to be scared.
56
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:19,741
{\an8}I wasn't scared. So I wasn't
the first person to rush in the kitchen.
57
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:22,327
{\an8}Ever heard of "ladies first"?
58
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,538
{\an8}Don't worry, Van.
59
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,541
{\an8}You can borrow my night-light.
It's a train.
60
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,376
{\an8}[laughing]
61
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,712
{\an8}You know what we should get? A gun.
62
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,714
{\an8}- What?
- We'll keep it in the refrigerator.
63
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,841
{\an8}That way, when the burglar breaks in,
64
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,927
{\an8}we can say,
"Hey, before you take all our stuff,
65
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,929
{\an8}how about a nice tall glass of Freeze!"
66
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,389
{\an8}[yelps] That'd be great!
67
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:46,851
{\an8}No. No guns. Not with Jake and--
68
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:48,895
{\an8}[imitates gunshot]
69
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:52,774
{\an8}No guns.
70
00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:56,236
You should get an alarm.
71
00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:58,488
You know what? I think she's right.
72
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,406
An alarm system is a great idea.
73
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:03,868
Right. Top-of-the-line.
And Brock will pay for it.
74
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,708
Honey, wouldn't you be more comfortable
just settin' my money on fire?
75
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,296
This is no time to be cheap, Brock.
76
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,423
Yeah. It's not like you're buying a suit.
77
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,553
I'm just sayin' they always try
and stick you
78
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:25,306
with these expensive options
that you don't need.
79
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:28,268
Automatic-dial 911. It's three digits.
80
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,978
How much faster can it be?
81
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,773
Okay. I'll shop around,
try to find a good price.
82
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:37,026
No, no, no. If I'm payin',
I'll shop around.
83
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,445
[scoffing] A panic button.
84
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:42,073
Hey, open the window and scream.
85
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,537
You know, I don't think
we need an alarm system.
86
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:50,498
Now that I've been through this,
I know what to expect next time.
87
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:54,752
Yeah. You'd wake me up to go,
"Cheyenne, Cheyenne! Help me!"
88
00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:56,879
You know what?
I let you do your little move.
89
00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:58,840
But if I came at you like this-- [yelps]
90
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,883
[loud thud]
91
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:07,473
I definitely need to learn that.
92
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:12,603
Very impressive, huh?
93
00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:16,441
Has our little Cheyenne
been to the neighborhood dojo
94
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:19,485
to learn the ancient art of karate?
95
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:24,032
No. One summer at cheerleading camp,
they made us take a self-defense class.
96
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,995
I was voted Most Lethal... and Peppiest.
97
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,375
So you took only one class,
and you can take a guy down like that?
98
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:37,003
There is tons of stuff
that you can do to take down a guy.
99
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,005
- Van, come here. Let me show Mom.
- No.
100
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:44,135
Leave me alone. Pound on your mother.
101
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,180
Hey, you know what? A self-defense class
102
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,557
would be the perfect thing
for us girls to do together.
103
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,059
- Oh, that sounds--
- Not you.
104
00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:00,818
Yeah, well, thanks for the quote
on the alarm system, but
105
00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:03,029
[chuckles] your price
is a little too high.
106
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,948
See, we're tryin' not to get robbed.
107
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:12,371
[monotone] It's your call.
You got a nice house here, a nice family.
108
00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:13,748
But suit yourself.
109
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,627
- [rattles doorknob]
- Oh, yeah, that oughta hold.
110
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,300
Oh, man. That guy was weird.
111
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,261
I hate a guy whose favorite expression is,
112
00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:29,514
[monotone] "Boom. You're a dead man."
113
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,642
I can't believe how much
these guys are charging
114
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,353
for a couple of motion detectors
and a loud alarm.
115
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,271
You can buy a car for this kind of money.
116
00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:39,315
And all those burglary stories he told us.
117
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,651
Doesn't he know any with a happy ending?
118
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:45,905
Van. Van, he's just trying to scare us
into spending money.
119
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:48,741
I pull that stuff all the time
with my dental patients.
120
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:53,371
I think I'll just install
a less expensive alarm system myself.
121
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:56,749
Really? Like when you installed
the garage-door opener,
122
00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:59,043
and now we have to crawl
through the window to get in?
123
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:03,297
And what is that garage door? Secure.
124
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:08,094
- Hey, guys. What's up?
- Nothin'. Just, uh,
125
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,055
we menfolk are talkin' about
how to protect you ladies,
126
00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:12,890
because you need it. Whoa!
127
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:15,143
[scoffs]
128
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:18,312
[laughing] Gee, Van,
why don't you just roll over
129
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:19,939
and show her your belly?
130
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:23,985
What'd you say?
131
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:26,487
Nothin'.
132
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,700
That's what I thought.
133
00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:38,708
Hello, everybody.
134
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,127
Welcome to My Body, My Fortress.
135
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,296
I am your instructor, Yvette Anderson.
136
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,549
Would any of you
like to share with us why you're here?
137
00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:49,177
All right. How about you?
138
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,345
- Oh, me?
- Mm-hmm.
139
00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:53,514
Well, we were just tryin'
to find something
140
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,349
that we could do together as a family,
141
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:58,186
and this is just down the street
from our house.
142
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,730
We've got the real nice colonial off Oak.
143
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,399
- [chuckles nervously]
- We thought we had an intruder.
144
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,860
Oh, yeah. But actually
it was a tree branch.
145
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,070
Ironically, it was a birch. [laughing]
146
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,282
You know, 'cause we're off Oak,
and it was a birch.
147
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,951
- Mm-hmm.
- [laughing]
148
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:16,370
- Are you a little nervous?
- Yeah, a little bit.
149
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,457
Well, relax. None of this is difficult.
150
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:22,835
We'll just cover the basic concepts
for self-defense for women,
151
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:25,046
the eye gouge, the throat poke,
152
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,881
and the knee snapper.
153
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:29,550
This'll be great.
154
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:32,053
After this, we can go to a bar
and pick a fight.
155
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:36,724
Okay, first I need
a couple of volunteers, you two,
156
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,935
to demonstrate my favorite move.
157
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,478
The groin kick.
158
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,898
Oh, Kyra, you might want to pay attention.
159
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:46,025
This stuff can get confusing later.
160
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,235
A groin kick?
161
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,153
I'm not confused about
either part of that.
162
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:54,575
What would you do in that situation?
You with the red hair and all the talking.
163
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,497
- What?
- What would you do
164
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,124
in the situation I just described?
165
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,835
Uh, knee gouge?
166
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:08,422
I mean, uh, crotch snapper?
167
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,932
- I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't listening.
- Mm-hmm.
168
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,101
Then what does that make her, class?
169
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,561
[all] Victim!
170
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,107
- Cheyenne?
- Sorry. It was a lucky guess.
171
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:31,362
Okay. I need all of you to select
a pair of gloves and some headgear
172
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,905
that you'll need for sparring.
173
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:36,659
Oh. We're gonna use this stuff?
I mean, like for hittin' people?
174
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,745
Yes. It's very important
that we have full contact.
175
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:42,582
We found that the biggest problem
women have in learning self-defense
176
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,042
is actually having physical contact
with someone else.
177
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:48,879
Oh. I guess I didn't realize that.
178
00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:51,799
Uh, I don't think
I can actually hit someone.
179
00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:54,427
[chuckling] Oh, hi, guys.
180
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,140
Is this your class too? [laughs]
181
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,184
How did that crotch snapper go again?
182
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:14,405
Barbra Jean, we just got started.
So I'll catch you up, okay?
183
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,741
So far, we've covered the groin.
184
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,910
[laughing] Kids.
185
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:22,330
They say the darnedest things.
186
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,625
What are you doin'?
187
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,210
I made it very clear
I didn't want you here.
188
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:31,380
When? When I told you
I didn't want you here.
189
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,508
Why can't you listen?
190
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:38,471
Because I'm entitled to take
self-defense classes anywhere I please.
191
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:40,765
And you're not the boss of me.
192
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:45,519
I know. If I was your boss,
we'd be sleeping together by now.
193
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:53,986
Look, Reba, I'm here, and I'm staying.
194
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:56,364
So why don't we set
a good example for the kids
195
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:59,408
- and start out with a hug, okay?
- Oh, get away from me.
196
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,327
- No, come on.
- Stop it!
197
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:05,081
Very good role-playing.
Okay, class. Class.
198
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:08,584
The little one is scared,
and she's making that clear.
199
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,963
- But the big one isn't going away.
- Oh, no, she isn't.
200
00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,216
Okay, let's pair off for practice.
201
00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:19,053
All right, Kyra, as soon as
I get this baby on,
202
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:20,554
I'm gonna start wallopin' ya.
203
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,891
I don't have 20 minutes for you to
figure out how to work a chin strap.
204
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,478
I can work a chin strap.
205
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:31,732
Oh, yay! This is gonna be so much fun.
206
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:34,568
It's just like line dancin',
but with violence.
207
00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:36,904
[humming, singing indistinctly]
208
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:52,378
Okay, all right. Wait a minute.
209
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:53,754
Wait a minute!
210
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:57,091
Is this the part where
we get to hit someone?
211
00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:58,801
- Yes.
- I call the big one.
212
00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:06,767
Um, Miss Anderson,
I think my chin strap is broken.
213
00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:14,108
[whirring]
214
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:17,445
Okay. All that's left to do
215
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:21,407
is to move this picture over the hole
no one can prove we made.
216
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,453
And we are done.
217
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,913
Which button fires the rockets?
218
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:31,000
There are no rockets, not for 89.99.
219
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,420
We didn't even get a warning sign.
220
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,964
We're gonna have to put
this box on the front lawn.
221
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:41,135
Come on, Van.
We've protected our womenfolk,
222
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,095
and we've saved some dough.
223
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,973
No one can put a price
on safety, but, if they could,
224
00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:49,018
I think they'd want it
to be around $89.99.
225
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:55,608
Okay. All that's left to do
is to pick the code.
226
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:59,069
- I wanna pick the code.
- Oh, I don't know, Jake.
227
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:00,946
It's a pretty big responsibility.
228
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:05,534
Whoever picks the code has to
promise to never, ever tell anyone.
229
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,829
It's like that time Daddy lost you
at the zoo, and we didn't tell Mommy.
230
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:11,582
I won't tell.
231
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:14,877
Okay. You just punch in
your numbers and press "Enter."
232
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:19,632
Well, we're all set.
You can rest easy, Van.
233
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,134
There won't be any trees
breakin' into this house tonight.
234
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,177
[whirring]
235
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,679
All right, Mr. H.
That's startin' to bug me.
236
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,682
Everybody keeps sayin'
I was scared when I wasn't scared.
237
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,143
- Were you scared?
- Yes, I was scared.
238
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:34,563
But why? I've never been scared before.
239
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,399
Maybe you've never been scared before
240
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,401
because you didn't have
a family to protect.
241
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:42,905
Of course. Cheyenne and Elizabeth.
242
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,909
If I ran,
they wouldn't be able to keep up.
243
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,873
You know, Van...
244
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:56,752
when I was a kid, I didn't think
I wanted to get married
245
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:59,046
because I didn't want to have
to worry about anyone.
246
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,382
And then, when I did get married,
247
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:03,842
I wasn't sure I wanted to
have kids for the same reason.
248
00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:05,553
It's a lot to worry about.
249
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,722
Is that why you left?
250
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,726
- Aw, come on.
- [forced laugh]
251
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:15,896
You've been giving me grief
for three days now. Thanks, Mr. H.
252
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:17,189
Yeah, my pleasure.
253
00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:18,190
- Hey, and listen.
- Hmm?
254
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,984
Next time you wanna talk about this stuff,
255
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,945
why don't you do it with
the other girls at the beauty parlor?
256
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:27,366
- [beeps]
- Okay, got it.
257
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,618
Okay. Let's test this puppy out.
258
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:31,954
- Ready?
- Yeah.
259
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,998
- [alarm shrieking]
- [all whooping]
260
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,374
Hey, it works!
261
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:40,212
[shouting over alarm]
Okay, Jake, what's the code?
262
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,381
You said not to tell!
263
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:45,843
[laughing] Oh, no.
264
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:49,096
I told you not to tell strangers,
but I'm your dad.
265
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:51,682
Tell your dad.
266
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:54,310
Right now!
267
00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:57,313
No way! You lost me at the zoo!
268
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,189
- [alarm continues]
- Hey! Jake!
269
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:00,816
Get him, Van! Get him!
270
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:10,743
Okay. I think it's time for sparring.
271
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,621
Oh. Oh, this is gonna be so great.
272
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,957
You may not believe this, but, in my life,
273
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:19,376
people have made me the target
of their cruel taunts.
274
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,213
Well, maybe it's because
you don't know how to take a hint.
275
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:26,383
Or maybe it's because you're pokin'
your nose in where you're not welcome.
276
00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:28,052
No, I don't think that was it.
277
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:32,014
After my growth spurt in second grade
278
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:34,433
[scoffs] all the tiny girls
279
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,101
called me "Blonde-zilla."
280
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:41,065
I can still hear 'em. "Hey, Blonde-zilla,
281
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:44,610
why don't you go tip over
a bread truck?" Ha ha!
282
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,321
[laughing] A bread truck?
283
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:49,365
Those tiny little ol' girls are funny.
284
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,409
Oh, this is gonna be so good.
285
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:55,537
I can finally work out some of
my frustrations that I've kept inside
286
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:58,040
from all the people
that have picked on me. Ow!
287
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:02,628
Miss Anderson. Reba hit me.
288
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,381
- Did you hit her?
- No.
289
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,928
Yes, she did.
290
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:14,431
I think someone needs a time-out.
291
00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:17,643
Well, I appreciate your enthusiasm,
292
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,853
but please wait until I give the signal.
293
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:22,398
Got it. Ow!
294
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:26,193
That's for bein' a tattletale.
295
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,363
You are being very immature.
296
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,282
I'm goin' to wait until
the instructor-- Ow!
297
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,662
You go ahead and wait
'cause I'm havin' fun.
298
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:39,415
Miss Anderson? Miss Anderson,
can we start yet?
299
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,458
- Go.
- Yeah! All right!
300
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:46,380
All right. Come on. [groaning]
301
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,965
Get up, Barbra Jean! Get up!
302
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:50,050
No. Stay down, Barbra Jean! Stay down!
303
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:54,346
Barbra... Jean... Booker...
304
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:56,974
does not stay down.
305
00:16:58,392 --> 00:16:59,977
You wanna dance, cowgirl?
306
00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:05,816
Let's dance. Yeah! Huh! Over here!
307
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,901
Yeah! Hey, Reba!
308
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:12,448
Can you smell what Barbra Jean
is cookin'? Huh? Ow!
309
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,620
Look at all the pretty colors.
310
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,959
Shake it off. You got another
one comin', Blonde-zilla.
311
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:32,217
- What did you call me?
- You heard me, Blonde-zilla.
312
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,599
- [grunts, whooping]
- [groaning]
313
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:43,145
Okay. Okay. That's enough sparring.
314
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:46,273
Oh, really? That's enough?
Oh, then, if it's over,
315
00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,108
how come you keep hitting yourself, Reba?
316
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:51,487
Huh? How come you keep
hitting-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
317
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:53,822
Leave me alone!
318
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:56,366
Oh, yeah? Huh? Huh? Huh?
319
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:58,994
Oh. Hah, hah, hah, hah, hah!
320
00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:02,831
Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. [growls]
321
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:06,543
Where you goin', Reba?
The action's over here!
322
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:11,298
[growling]
323
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,762
What are you lookin' at, tiny girl?
324
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,518
Get her off of me! Stop it!
325
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,686
- I'm gonna stop this.
- Cheyenne, it's too late.
326
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:26,647
There's fights breaking out
all over the place.
327
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:27,731
Wh-Where?
328
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,319
A little tougher than Van, huh?
329
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,530
- You want to see tough?
- Yeah. I wanna see tough.
330
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:38,283
That is for my dollhouse.
And that is for my favorite dress.
331
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:39,451
And that?
332
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:41,870
Well, that's just for fun.
333
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,708
I think I made my point. [scoffs]
334
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:54,049
[both panting, whimpering]
335
00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:01,223
Okay. Time's up. Everyone stop sparring.
336
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,059
I'm glad that's over.
337
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,936
I wanna go home.
338
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,449
- [sighs]
- [moans]
339
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,419
I didn't know it would
feel so bad to win a fight.
340
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,089
You didn't win. I won.
341
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:38,260
You can't actually win
unless you make someone cry.
342
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:41,263
- Like I did with Cheyenne.
- You did not make me cry.
343
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:44,266
You hit me in the nose.
Your eyes water automatically.
344
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,104
Oh! No, no, no, no.
345
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:50,647
- I got ya.
- Ow!
346
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:55,402
[laughing] Ah! Yeah.
347
00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:58,780
You know the weird thing?
I feel closer to you, Barbra Jean.
348
00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:01,658
I might actually
look forward to seeing you
349
00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:03,619
if I could pound on
your head once in a while.
350
00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:08,373
You know, you're not
the first person to say that to me.
351
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,960
I feel closer to you too, Kyra.
352
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,670
Me too. It'll pass.
353
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,341
Hey, you wanna go pick on Van with me?
354
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,509
Sure. You hold him down,
and I'll give him a wedgie.
355
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:20,594
Sweet.
356
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:25,641
Wow. It's amazing how well
we're all gettin' along.
357
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,977
I wonder if that's why guys are
always punchin' on each other.
358
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,855
I think it'd be cool to be a guy...
359
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:34,107
or a giraffe.
360
00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:37,945
No. Eagle. Eagle'd be coolest.
361
00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:41,949
Either stop talkin'
or get in punchin' range.
362
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:44,534
What is this?
363
00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:47,788
Oh, I guess the guys
put up the alarm system.
364
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,081
Yep. There it is.
365
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,500
You know what'd be even cooler? A tiger.
366
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,544
A tiger with an eagle head.
367
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,547
We could call it a "teagle."
368
00:20:58,465 --> 00:20:59,633
[alarm shrieking]
369
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:01,134
You know what'd even be better?
370
00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:05,305
You get like a tiger, and it had like
a giraffe neck with an eagle head.
371
00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:08,016
- [alarm continues]
- So it would have like a really long neck.
372
00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:12,604
[closing theme music playing]